


lost (and hope)

by MandoGab



Series: I'll show you the stars [one-shots] [11]
Category: The Mandalorian (TV)
Genre: Angst, Bo-Fenn, Bo-Fenn's baby (headcanon), Children of the Watch, Death Watch (Star Wars), F/M, Fenn is dead (sorry), ManDadlorian, Mandalore, Mando'a, Post-The Mandalorian: The Heiress, The Mandalorian (TV) Season 2, friends not lovers, sleepless night and talk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-22
Updated: 2020-11-22
Packaged: 2021-03-09 20:33:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,200
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27662090
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MandoGab/pseuds/MandoGab
Summary: After a successful mission, Din Djarin may leave his new friends, but he flies with them to their base.Getting to know Bo-Katan better gives him new thoughts, doubts (and feelings).The story was born from the thought: Why is Ursa Wren not in The Mandalorian?(it's a bit of an obsession)
Relationships: Baby Yoda (The Mandalorian TV)/Din Djarin, Bo-Katan Kryze/Atinla Kryze, Bo-Katan Kryze/Fenn Rau (mentioned), Din Djarin/Bo-Katan Kryze
Series: I'll show you the stars [one-shots] [11]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1699936
Comments: 9
Kudos: 34





	lost (and hope)

"We're going into hyperspace, alor," Koska said, and the redheaded woman merely nodded. She leaned against the cool, slightly wet wall and breathed a sigh of relief when they finally managed to leave this damned water planet. The trip did not turn out to be as tragic as she initially assumed. It is true that they did not manage to take over the ship, but they had several chests of weapons and even met a new ally who promised to get out of the planet.  
She closed her eyes, trying to calm her running thoughts for a moment, but suddenly felt a gentle touch on hers. She looked down to see the little green creature staring at her with wide eyes and a slight smile. Bo-Katan smiled back, then crouched down in front of the baby. The toddler extended a small hand towards her. The woman did the same, letting the toddler wrap a three-fingered handle around her finger.

"He's not usually so calm around strangers," Mando said, suddenly appearing in the cockpit. Bo-Katan looked up to meet his gaze (at least she hoped his eyes were behind the black visor). "So he either likes you or thinks you have something to eat."

"I prefer he means the first option you mentioned," she replied, straightening as the little creature released her finger. "Try to contact her," she gave the order to the Mandalorian, who had been the pilot until now. Koska got up and without a word left the cockpit, going down to the hold.

"With her?" The Mandalorian asked, but Bo didn't seem eager to answer him. Instead, she walked over to one of the armchairs and took a seat without asking. The man sighed softly, then followed her. The green child climbed onto his lap, resting her head on his belly, and calmly closed her eyes.

"How far is this meeting point?" He asked, feeling the silence weigh on both of them. He stared straight ahead into the swirling space in front of him, but distracted a bit as she shifted into place and sighed softly.

"A few hours," she said matter-of-factly.

The Mandalorians weren't very chatty. A few months ago, Din Djarin was mostly silent or answered questions, but now that he was forming a clan with the Child, he spoke more often. Bo-Katan didn't seem to be a sneaky person either, but careful. He felt as if he was watching his every move.

He leaned back in the chair, which made a soft creak and turned to face her.

"You want to ask something," she said, looking at him with a slight smile. He cleared his throat.

"Did you know someone from the Watch you are assigning me to?"

Bo-Katan straightened up and for a moment lost all the confidence she had previously had on her face. She glanced at her helmet, then her gaze lingered on him again.

"Perhaps," she replied.

The child on his lap opened his eyes and looked at him in surprise. Din shook his head, sighing softly so that she couldn't hear it. The toddler stretched his hands towards the woman's helmet and she smiled slightly.

"Do you want to see it?" She asked, and the kid squeaked in response. She put the helmet on the ground as she watched the little boy carefully descend the Mandalorian's lap. He was pretty smart, she had to admit. She watched him for a moment as he approached the helmet, not quite sure how he should behave. He even glanced briefly at the man, but the man made no move, nor spoke any words. The child was on its own. It walked slowly to the helmet, then placed its tiny hands on it, examining the object's texture. Cold, heavy steel - like Dad's armor... so familiar.

"During the Clone Wars, I was on the Death Watch led by Pre Vizsla," she said softly, looking back at the Mandalorian. "After his death, together with the people loyal to me, we separated from this group, creating a new one, or rather expanding the one I founded during the wars. We are now the Night Owls. So far I've only heard rumors of real Mandalorians like you. I was hoping this legacy would not survive."

"Why did you leave?" He asked.

"When Mandalore was taken over by Maul, I knew it was the only way. Previously, we fought against pacifists, then we had to face trained warriors who often belonged to our families." Bo-Katan felt the man had no idea what she was talking about. She rolled her eyes. "You don't know anything about them?"

"They were warriors, they raised me and trained me. They saved my life," he said. 

She did not look down as he expected, on the contrary - she was looking at him. It was as if she wanted to get through the visor right into his eyes. He closed his eyes, afraid he would really do it.

He shuddered slightly as he heard the cockpit door open.

"I caught the frequency of the comlink," Koska announced, and Bo-Katan suddenly lost interest in the Mandalorian and nodded toward the accompanying woman.

"Great," she just replied, then reached for her helmet. The child didn't mind, long ago sitting at the Mandalorian's shoes. Then she got up and left the cockpit with Koska.

Din Djarin sighed heavily. There was something about this woman that puzzled him, but he wasn't quite sure what it was. He still hadn't learned anything meaningful about the Guard he was said to have come from. Bo-Katan also failed to explain her own reason for joining them. Perhaps their story was similar? Maybe she also had no choice if she wanted to survive?

*******

Bo-Katan felt an icy shiver run down her spine. A Death watch child, she thought, closing her eyes and taking a deep breath.

"Everything is all right?" Axe asked, standing closest to her.

"Yes. I'm a little… nervous," she said evasively, giving him a slight smile.

"She's definitely looking forward to it," he laughed, and Bo nodded. Yes, probably yes, she thought.

"Your ship needs major repairs, our men will take care of it, as a gesture of thanks for dropping us here," the redhead said to the Mandalorian, who was standing right behind her in the child with his arms.

"It will not be necessary. I should go on," he replied.

"This scrap?" Koska sneered, smiling maliciously. "It might not be possible."

Bo-Katan smiled, but nothing else. He wondered if she could laugh.

She could. 

He found out about it just minutes later when the ramp finally went down. They saw another ship, only a dozen meters away - a huge kom'rk, in golden-gray colors. Directly in front of him were several Mandalorians dressed in armor belonging to different clans.

Bo-Katan was the first to leave the ship. She wore a helmet, hiding all the emotions that accompanied her at that moment. Most of all, however, she hid tears running down her cheeks as she saw a girl dressed in armor similar to her own break through the crowd of warriors. Bo-Katan sped up a bit, still moving gracefully, when she suddenly felt the girl crash into her with no little force, her arms hugging her legs.

"I missed you so much, ad'ika," Bo-Katan whispered as she crouched down in front of the girl. After a while their helmets met a soft thump. The older one felt a pleasant warmth run through her whole body, like every time she came home.

 _Home was not a place._  
_The home was her eight-year-old daughter_ , who was suddenly lifted up at the sweet squeal that emanated from under the child's helmet. Bo-Katan didn't care about all the looks she was gifted with. In that brief moment, nothing mattered except the next moment of the meeting after a long time apart.  
At that moment, neither the war nor the internal conflicts mattered, nor even the Mandalorian, who stood a few steps behind her, watching the scene in surprise.  
A few seconds of normalcy. A few seconds of ordinary life. A few seconds in a house she did not have on a daily basis.

"I missed you, too," answered the little girl as she stood on her own feet again. "Good that you're here, buir. I have to show you how good I'm shooting," she added, excited to say the least. She had even pulled out her blasters when she suddenly saw a Mandalorian standing behind the Bo-Katan with a greenish baby in his arms.

"Relax, ad. This is our... new ally," she said, hesitating for a moment how she should introduce him. Suddenly she realized she didn't even know his name. But she didn't ask, letting things run at their own pace.

"Everyone call me Mando," he said softly, then leaned over to release the kid squirming in his arms. The little one laughed, then ran to the girl in the armor. He stopped right in front of her and cautiously, with some consternation, looked up. Bo-Katan removed her helmet, smiling slightly. He recognized her and her helmet, knew she wasn't dangerous. A few hours ago, she had given him her own hat so he could get a closer look. However, this smaller figure interested him more.

"You can take the helmet off, ad'ika," Bo-Katan encouraged the girl. The little Mandalorian was not entirely convinced, but after a while her hands were on the sides of the helmet, which she raised and took off very slowly. Red hair, precisely trimmed, fell over her shoulders, identical to the one that Bo-Katan proudly wore.  
Din had no doubt that they were related. He watched the girl's behavior, surveyed her, being able to afford it while still wearing his helmet.

"Why don't you put off it too?" The child asked, breaking the Mandalorian out of his thoughts. He cleared his throat softly and was about to answer as Koska passed him by the way.

"This is the way," she snorted. There was something venomous and disrespectful about her words. More and more he realized how people like him were treated here.

"We should go by now," he growled, then grabbed the kid quickly. The little one squealed shortly, trying to break free from dad's arms again.

"Your ship needs major repairs, won't fly anywhere or crash if you try to jump into hyperspace. A nasty death," said Bo-Katan. "Koska, prepare a tent for him," she said to the woman. She rolled her eyes, but she accepted the order and went toward the camp.

"It isn't necessary. We can spend the night on board," he said heavily, not wanting to confront the woman again. Bo-Katan was bearable, to tell the truth he had no idea what he thought about her, but Koska… well, he had no words. She certainly didn't like him, but she respected her own leader. It had to be enough.

"My men will pat this ship out for you, but it's better for you not to disturb them. Koska will arrange a cozy corner for you,"Bo-Katan turned to him, then headed towards the camp. Axe followed her, and the red-haired girl grabbed his hand. Din felt like they got on well together. Could he be her father? He had no idea. The kid in his arms squealed softly.

"Alright, kid," he said, then followed the Mandalorians, sneaking into their (un) ordered world unnoticed.

*******

"Kriff, Bo-Katan, who is this?" Ursa asked, seeing her friend in the company of an unknown Mandalorian. She immediately left the table with the holomap displayed, to meet her.

"He helped us get the Imps on Trask," she replied truthfully. "His ship was destroyed, so I brought him to us. However, we owe him something. We wouldn't have gotten a weapon without it," she added, pointing to the crates that had been brought in a moment earlier. The woman raised an eyebrow, her lips pressed into a narrow line.

"Fine. Do you have any name?" She asked, straightening up. He wondered if she had always been like this.

"Mando. Just Mando," he replied, still not revealing his identity. The stranger muttered something but he couldn't hear it. Did all the Mandalorian women he met had to roll their eyes at the sight of him, or disrespectfully approach him. Well, all except Bo-Katan.

"This is Ursa Wren of House Vizsla, my deputy and the best war tactician," the red-haired woman introduced. Din flinched at the second of her names. He wanted to ask, but… the expression on her face was not encouraging. He nodded gently, not quite knowing how he should have acted.

"Bo-Katan, can we talk?" She asked in a voice that could not bear any objection, or at least according to him, that's what she sounded.

"Sure," she said, and followed her friend, giving Mando an apologetic look. He smiled slightly under his helmet. "Atin, take care of our guest," she said to the girl, then turned away and caught up with the dark-haired Mandalorian.

*******

Bo-Katan entered her friend's tent with a heavy pace. She felt in her bones that this conversation would not be any pleasant. Ursa became more cautious than ever, and although the redhead understood the reasons why she changed so much, she couldn't understand her prejudice.

"I can't believe you brought one of them here," she began sharply, gesturing boldly. Bo-Katan's expression didn't change. She was prepared for this conversation and she fully supported it. If the issues were related to their clans, both had to make a decision.

"Look, he helped us a lot, I had no heart to leave him on Trask with a wrecked ship and a small child. Besides, we needed transport ourselves to get here" she explained.

"You didn't fall in love, did you?" Ursa snorted, and Bo-Katan sensed a note filled with laughter in her voice. Her serious expression was replaced with amusement. The redhead laughed as she put her helmet down.

"I assume he's much younger," she replied.

"Certainly. Did you meet him on Trask?" Bo sensed surprise in her voice.

"He was passable. From what I've found out, he wants to take the baby to the Jedi. I promised to show him the way in exchange for helping him attack the Imperial ship. I kept my word," she said, looking at her friend.

Ursa said nothing, just nodded her head.

"Besides, I noticed some changes on Atin's helmet, was it an unexpected visit by Sabine to these parts?" Bo-Katan asked with a smile. The leader of Clan Wren shook her head.

"Hologram," she explained. "Sabine's still on Lothal. She wanted to come, but I strongly advised against her."

Bo-Katan nodded understandingly. Hope was born several months ago and was the apple of the eye of young parents. When Sabine brought Ezra home, it didn't take much for her to marry him and have their first child. Their joy, however, did not last long, only until they lost the baby. The next year was very tense, full of stress and dangers, but when the news came again that they were expecting a baby, they decided to do everything to save them. Hope was the most adorable baby Bo-Katan had ever met (excluding her own daughter, of course). She was a child who could melt the ice in Ursa's heart, she was a miracle.

"Hope started walking, Sabine wanted to show it to me. This little girl is really very talented," said Ursa, smiling proudly. Bo knew the expression on her face, she felt her friend's feelings for her.

"But I heard Atin worked on shooting."

"She's making significant progress," Ursa praised the girl. "I hope you will stay a little longer this time to evaluate it."

"Yes, we need a few days to regain strength. Koska and Axe did a great job, don't tire them too much in tomorrow's training." Both laughed. Ursa, however, grew serious very quickly.

"Talk to Atin, I think it's coming back to her again," she just said and, grabbing her helmet, headed for the exit. Bo-Katan nodded slightly, feeling that suddenly another wave of unintelligible sadness hit her.

She felt helpless again. And lonely. Monstrously lonely.

*******

"And then he grabbed my hand, pulling me to him just as another charge exploded," Bo-Katan said sleepily as she hugged her daughter.

"He kissed you and said he would always protect you," Atin finished the story, smiling broadly.

She loved the story, and though she had heard it an infinite number of times, she always asked her mother to tell her. In fact, everyone in the camp knew the story as well as Atin, because when she was younger she told it left and right, sharing a bit of her parents' love.

"I wish he would continue to protect you," she whispered, closing her eyes. Bo-Katan sighed softly, then brushed her hair away from the baby's forehead, making the girl look at her again.

"He's still here, Atin, he's still with us," she said, feeling her heart break in the silence of the night.

Neither of them deserved the loss they experienced almost five years ago.

"Mando reminds me of him, you know? When I was with him, I saw him playing with this little child. He protected him like Dad used to protect me," she whispered. "He's a good dad too."

Bo-Katan smiled at the words. During their journey, she noticed the Mandalorian's attachment to the child. She found his demeanor cute, and was pretty sure her relationship with Atin had once been similar. Too much has changed now. Not necessarily for the better.

"You think I'm a good mom?" She asked very softly, as if asking her deceased husband, not an eight-year-old daughter. The girl's answer surprised her a lot.

"Yes, you are the best mom. And I love you very much," Atin whispered. "And I know why you're away so often, I'm not angry. You promised it to Dad."

Bo-Katan looked at her, but the girl's eyes were already closed.

"I love you too, ad'ika."

_"Don't ever leave her, Bo. Never stop loving her. I'll never stop," he whispered, his eyelids slowly lowered, hiding his beautiful soul somewhere deep before the war. He heard Bo-Katan screams, felt her trembling arms press tightly against his immobile body. He wanted one last time to kiss her, one last time to say he loved her, one last time to comb her hair, one last time...  
The last time he sounded hopeless. Damn sad, that's why he let go of his soul motionless. Without the last, tangible blows.  
Later it was just cold. And sadness. And joy. And hope. And its lack.  
And a loneliness he couldn't describe._

She sat up abruptly on the bed, her heart pounding in her chest. She was relieved to see that she was still in her tent, and that Atin was sleeping peacefully, probably dreaming of something nice. The complete opposite of Bo-Katan who felt suddenly overwhelmed. Ice cold sweat ran down her spine and heavy tears ran down her cheeks. She quickly rubbed her face with her hands, then stood up and hastily donned some of her armor.

She needed a walk. Immediately.  
She headed towards the western part of the camp, to a place that served as a training ground. She hadn't expected to find anyone there at this time, so the shadow of the stranger's silhouette made her hold out her blasters, ready to defend her own people.

"It's just me," Mando said in a low voice as she came closer, completely silent. She breathed a sigh of relief as she tucked the blasters into their holsters. Without waiting for an invitation, she sat down next to the man, only after a while noticing the little child sleeping in the crook of his arm.

"I was hoping to be alone here," she confessed with a slight disappointment in her voice.

"Fine. I can go," he replied softly.

"No no. That's not what I meant," she smiled under her helmet.

Silence was the only path she took at that moment. She was never particularly good at talks. She liked giving orders, discussing strategies, or talking to her daughter, but it was all so different from talking about ordinary everyday things. What was everyday life apart from fighting?

"I had no idea someone like you had a baby," he began softly, as if he didn't want to break the previous moment and start the conversation all over again. Bo-Katan smiled softly, still hidden behind her helmet.

"Someone like me?" She asked, tilting her head slightly to the side.

"You're a fighter, and a leader... uh, I don't know. When we first met, I thought that's how you spend your whole life." He sighed.

"To save helpless children and their fathers?" She raised an eyebrow.

"I'm not his father. I mean... I don't know anymore. What you said back then, on the boat, I'm confused," he replied. 

He had no idea what to think about her words. She called him a child of the Watch. He still didn't know anything about them. He still needed answers to so many questions. But he still couldn't talk about it. But he sensed that the questions would not be difficult, and that he could take the answers much worse. Perhaps he wasn't ready yet to learn the secret of the people who raised him. They were like family to him, he knew that would never change.

"Atin told me before going to sleep that you are a great dad. Are you bothering to argue with her opinion?" She asked completely seriously. Din didn't know if this was a joke or not, but he preferred not to take any chances.

"No, of course not."

Bo-Katan laughed softly.

"You were pushing me," he muttered.

"You're so tense, Mando," she replied.

"I am among the Mandalorian aliens who treat me like a misfit. Even your most trusted warriors, I presume. Koska is murdering me with her eyes every time she is around me" he said deadly seriously. She smiled gently.

"They've heard rumors about people like you, but I'm sure if there was a fight, they would be on your side. They are faithful to Mandalore and me, by the way. Koska is wary of everyone, even a little bit of me. She was trained to be the Mandalore Protector by my husband, but has changed a lot after his death," she said quietly, for a moment wondering if she had done the right thing to mention the love of her life, but there was no turning back.

The Mandalorian said nothing. Bo-Katan was grateful to him for that. Really.

"You want your daughter to follow in your footsteps?" He asked instead, changing the subject. Bo-Katan seemed to breathe a sigh of relief.

"No," she replied. He had expected a different answer. "I've spent my whole life fighting for Mandalore. I lost my parents, sister, husband and friends. I've been hiding most of the time, well I still do. Atin is the last person I have blood ties with, I will do anything to keep her safe. I hope that you understand me. They don't all see you as a stranger, they hope that maybe someone they know has returned. Fenn treated Koska like a daughter, even though he already had Atin," she said, giving an example. She felt tears welling up in her eyes. She pushed them aside. "Ursa lost her son two years ago on a mission similar to the one on Trask. Every day she checks the database to make sure he is actually dead. They all" here she stretched out her hand to point to the camp. "They all hope for a better future."

"And you?" He asked softly, lowering his head.

"And I come to this place every night we are here, imagining that everything is better. I'm tired, Mando, bloody tired of the fight, but I have no choice. I have to give us a better life, I don't just want to dream about it, I want it to become a reality."

Loss, sorrow and new hope.

Bo-Katan wasn't the only one who lost something. He understood it in a sense, though he painfully realized how different they were.  
At first she was like a soul mate to him, but with each word she spoke he realized how different he was.

"I agree with Atin, you are a great father Mando," she said, then she stroked the baby's head and got up to go back to her tent. The Mandalorian sighed softly.

"Din. Din Djarin. That's my real name," he said, offering a part of himself as she had done before. She didn't reply, disappearing moments later in the gray that heralded a new day.

 _'And you are a good mother and a good leader,'_ he thought. _'Hope you get what you want.'_

The baby whimpered in his arms, slowly waking up. Din looked into his huge, still sleepy eyes, smiling slightly. He never expected that he, a famous bounty hunter, would become a father (in any way).

"You had good dreams, little ad?" He asked, and when there was no answer, he headed for their temporary accommodation to get some sleep.

**Author's Note:**

> It's not the best of my stories but I hope you like it.  
> Thanks for reading! 💙


End file.
